Back to the Beginning, again....

Today I picked up "The Tao of Inner Peace" after a week of not touching it. I've been processing my Continuum Retreat experiences and the personal life events that preceded it, forgetting that the messages in this book, the messages of Taoism, would actually serve as a life raft during this week of processing and integration. Oh, how easily I forget! Silly me. So once again, I return. To the Tao. To the beginning. Again. And again. And again. I'll return.

And today I returned to Chapter 1 instead of picking up where I'd left off in Chapter 2. Reading Chapter 1 today felt as if I were reading it for the first time. In reality, it was my fourth time, and the first three times were less than a month ago. How strange....But what stood out today was:
"...we wrestle with the contradiction of what we are and what we 'should' be. We live in the richest nation in the world, and yet we are chronically insecure and defensive." (p.4) This jumps out at me because it hits close to home. Recently I've been looking at my history of "shoulds," looking at how "shoulds" bog me down and get in my way, even when I think I've done away with them! Turns out there are some hidden shoulds programmed deep down inside of me. And the lack of security I feel despite this "rich" life of mine-- it's almost embarrassing. It doesn't make sense. Logically, no sense at all. But it's felt and manifests in self-limiting choices. Luckily, one part of being a Tao person that I've got down pretty good is the ability to laugh. And so I do. I might cry a little too. But then I laugh. I always return to laughter. And begin again on this path of acceptance and flow.